Regression
by sgrcoatedpoison
Summary: Summary: Smoke inhalation leaves one Jeff hardy and his brother dealing with  the former's brain damage and the troubles it brings. contains slash, slight  age regression, spanking, diapering, bdsm themes...dont read if you cant take  it
1. Chapter 1

Matt was well aware of the dangers of the business he'd been a part of it for years and a fan for even longer. The risk was always present; every time they stepped out towards the ring they put their bodies in danger. He was used to getting hurt, expected it half of the time but when it was Jeff it was another thing entirely. His younger brother was rash and volatile but he was loved. The entire roster was drawn in by his youthfulness and naivety. Every match he participated in was met with anxiety, nobody really wanted to hurt him and despite of how things looked on camera, on the part do his opponents at least the matches were fought halfheartedly. when Jeff got injured, really injured it was always hard for matt to stomach, partly because it was usually due to some fault of Jeff's and far too often it had nothing to do with the business they were in. As he sat by his brother's bedside, fingers gripping his, he had no idea how he was supposed to deal with this new development. Part of him was dreading when his brother would regain consciousness.

When his phone rang in the middle of the night he knew in his gut that something was wrong but he hadn't expected what he heard. Jeff's house had caught fire and Jeff had gotten stock in the bathroom. He had avoided the flames but the smoke had overpowered him and he passed out from the lack of oxygen as was laying there for far too long before the firefighters got to him. If the doctor's suspicions were right when Jeff awoke he would be facing partial brain damage. He would have all his memory, he could still wrestle and do the things he enjoyed but for want of a better word he would be for all intents and purposes partially retarded. His motor skills would be damaged so things like tying shoe laces and buttoning a shirt while not impossible would prove difficult, his speech and reasoning would also be slightly impaired. These were things that matt could handle, he could see them working through. However there was one complication that would take a real emotional toll, as well as prove to be significantly debilitating. Matt was going to have to potty train his brother. There was no way to predict how severely incontinent he would be but the doctors were sure that it was going to pose a problem as he recovered. Just the thought of it was daunting and if it was for matt he could only imagine how hard it was going to be for Jeff with his independent streak and volatile emotions.

The hand he held in his started to twitch and when he looked up his saw similar movements in his eye lids; Jeff was waking up. Trying to remain as calm as possible he pressed the button to alert the staff while he observed his brother closely.

"Mattie..." Jeff's eyes were closed but his lips were moving, he sounded hoarse and his voice slurred but the endearment was as clear as ever. It struck a chord in his heart however because Jeff hadn't called him that since he was in junior high, and his voice just sounded so vulnerable and small when he did.

"I'm here Jeff...everything's gonna be okay."

"My throat hurts."

"I know...don't worry the doctors gonna be here soon and he'll give you something for the pain."

Just has matt spoke the doctor was entering the room his face had none of the earlier apprehension on it and matt rationalized that it was probably for the patients benefit.

"Jeff my name is doctor Clearview; you're going to be feeling a bit groggy and nauseous but try not to get to agitated, the feeling will pass. I need you to sit still for me while i remove the tube from your windpipe, and you should be feeling better in a few moments. Do you remember what happened? "

Jeff tried to speak but his voice was dry and barely a whispered. The doctor gestured for Matt to give him a drink of the water. With slightly unsteady hands he placed the straw against Jeff's lips. He took a tentative sip before greedily slurping at the water, which matt pulled away when he started to choke.

"Take it easy Jeff...small sips."

"i remember i was in the shower when the smoke alarm went off and i tried to get out but the fire was already right in front of the door and i couldn't and then..."

"You blacked out then from smoke inhalation, you were trapped there with minimal oxygen for quite a while. You are fairly lucky Jeff, it could be much worse..."

As the doctor spoke matt tuned out his words having heard them all before. He hated how as the conversation went on Jeff grew more confused and the doctor started to speak to him as if he were a young child, he hated that Jeff didn't seem upset by this and on the contrary didn't even realize he was being spoken down to. He saw the emotions flicker across his face as the doctor told him what he was going to have to contend with. There was anger and frustration as was to be expected but there was also embarrassment and to Matt's mortification tears. It had been years since Jeff had cried, or at least since he had seen his do so. The last time had been at their father's funeral and even that had been a few stray tears that ran down his cheeks as the placed their father's tombstone up next to their mother's. Instinctively matt comforted his younger brother, being careful not to cause him any undue pain. It was awkward for him, not really having to fill this part of the big brother role in ages. He vaguely recalled the doctor taking his leave and that he had acknowledged him but for now he was absorbed in the feel of his brother against him, tears on his shirt and the realization that everything was going to change.

In face of Jeff's condition matt was able to convince the doctor to keep Jeff in the hospital until his physical injuries had all but disappeared. It didn't take all that long because there were really only a few bruises and a few stitches were he had cut his side on the bathroom counter when he fell. Jeff's ordeal had impacted him more mentally than physically and for that matt was marginally thankful because he didn't think he could deal with broken bones or the like on top of everything else. Of course that meant the he was pretty much a constant fixture in the hospital was well but it was something he had already decided on. He was willing to spend a few uncomfortable nights because in the bigger picture he was still trying to learn how to adjust to his brother and he figure that a hospital was the safest place to do that. At first he just let the nurses take care of everything and on occasion he would discretely watch from afar and gradually he worked up towards it.

Diapering his brother was one of the most emotionally draining things that either male had ever gone through. And both secretly thanked every deity they could think of that at least the hospital staff was granting them a rare moment of uninterrupted privacy. Matt had seen his brother changed on countless occasions but doing it was another thing all together. Initially matt had a vision of bed wetting and similar accidents he hadn't realized initially that Jeff's incontinence was not only with his bladder but also with his bowels. That had opened up an entirely new can of worms and thrown him father them he would have ever imagined. He had noticed that immediately prior to, during and after his changes Jeff seemed to regress even further, probably as a method of coping. Matt wasn't sure how much he liked that but he knew that if it wasn't for Jeff's behavioral regression he wouldn't have been able to do it.

They had gotten the day to themselves for the most part, aside from meals, when the nurse would simply bring the food in, leave and pick up the tray when buzzed. Eating was something Jeff could do on his owns for the most part, it was just a lot slower and messier than usual. Today in face of the unspoken obstacle they were preparing to face, matt had fed him rather than let him struggle through it on his own. They more or less knew to avoid topics that would make the situation awkward and so as little commentary was possible was made towards Jeff's helplessness. When matt noticed Jeff's eyes start to glaze over he steeled himself, while trying to remain as calm as possible. There was an embarrassed blush in Jeff's cheeks and he didn't want to make it any harder on the younger man than it already was. He ran a hand through Jeff's hair while he whispered in his ear.

"Tell me when it's over okay."

The younger man didn't respond verbally but he did give a small nod. A few minutes later matt were sure that everything had passed but Jeff had yet to say anything. It dawned on him them that as hard as it was for him it was even more difficult for Jeff.

"Jeff...lay down for me."

He made sure to keep his voice as light and soothing as possible and when he saw the relieved look in Jeff's eyes it was reassuring to him. Jeff eased down unto the bed and raised his hips so the matt could remove the sweat pants that he was wearing. Matt tried to move as quickly and surely as possible, hiding his discomfort to spare his brother. If the smell bothered him he didn't show it and he was rewarded when the tension began to ease out of his brother's face. As he stuck down the last tab on the clean diaper Jeff looked down and gave him a shy smile. Their entire relationship had just shifted in those few somewhat tense moments. Matt stretched up from his position at the end of the bed to plant a quick kiss on jiffs lips, just because. A week ago if he sees himself kissing his brother it would have been incestuous and perverted but now it just felt like the right thing to do. There was nothing romantic or sexual about it, it was reassuring, a comfort and an agreement. He smiled down at Jeff who kicked his sweatpants off the bed completely before sitting back up and hugging him tightly.

"I love you Matt."

His voice was shaky and it was clear that he was breaking down and matt was as well.

"I love you too Jeff."


	2. Chapter 2

It turned out that Jeff had a harder time adjusting to the situation than Matt did. After leaving the hospital the younger brother was confused and conflicted. It was hard knowing the person he used to be and having to live with the fact that he couldn't be that person any more. He had tried to be as independent as possible and now that was no longer an option open to him. At times he tried hard to act as he normally did, refused Matt's help and was just stubborn and unyielding in an attempt to regain some self-empowerment. That never lasted long. More often than not he would act as childish and carefree as he would dare so he just didn't have to face his new reality, this could go on for ages. He found he was moody and impulsive, his emotions unstable. He knew that the doctors were right he had regressed mentally the problem for him was that the regression was only partial and his adult self and child self were struggling to find some sort of equilibrium.

The only real comfort in the situation was that Matt seemed to mesh seamlessly into their new lifestyle. He had become his brother's only anchor and taking care of Jeff had become something natural. It was like they were younger again, there mother had just died and Matt had taken charge of the Household as he father had seemingly checked out. Jeff depended on him and all he wanted to do was to make everything better for his Younger brother. Their relationship was strange to begin with and now it was even stranger. The hospital had tried to arrange for a nurse but matt had vetoed the idea and taken everything on. The first hiccup of any kind had come almost a month after Jeff had left the hospital and was starting to really settle. For the first few weeks he had been jumpy and agitated. He would up and go to the bathroom at random intervals, sometimes several times and hour, and despite the fact that most clothing and fastenings took him ages he would lock himself up in his room when it came to dressing and undressing, refusing any help. Gradually he became more gracious about accepting help and more comfortable in his position and asking for help. Matt thought he was adjusting fairly well and so it was an unsettling when he thought he heard Jeff crying in his room one night. He heard the sound from his own room so he wasn't certain and by the time he had gotten out of bed and made his way to his brother's room it was silent.

"Jeff?" he stayed on the outside of the closed door and called out to him, not wanting to wake him if was he indeed asleep.

"Y-Yes." When he answered it was obvious he was crying and was it not for the fear in is voice Mat would have had the sense to ask Jeff to unlock the door. As it was the lock didn't do much in preventing him from entering, in fact it was hardly an obstacle. Inside he didn't see much of anything that would frighten his brother, all he saw was his huddled form shivering under his sheets.

"Jeff what's wrong?"

"Go away."

"Jeff, come on what is it."

"I can't tell you…You'd be mad."

"I promise I won't be mad. I just want know what's wrong so I can make it better, and I can't do that if you don't tell me."

"The bed's wet." And before Matt had a chance to respond Jeff was crying again. It was an effort to pry they bed sheet from Jeff's fingers and when he pulled it off Jeff simply curled into himself, refusing to look at him. Matt had to stifle a sigh.

"Jeff, look at me. I'm not mad you. It was an accident, these things happen and it probably won't be the last time. All we can do right now is get you cleaned up and back to sleep."

Matt was able to coax Jeff out from the ball he had twisted himself into. His pants and the bottom half of his shirt were soaked, and there were Goosebumps raised on his arms. He let matt undress him, he was clearly more embarrassed than he had been in a long time if the blush on his face was anything to go by. All Matt could do was b as quick and indifferent as possible. When he pulled down his boxers he figured out the source of the accident; one of the side tabs had detached and the diaper had partially fallen away. Before he had a chance to detach the other side it fell to the ground with a squelch.

"Oh my God, I can't take this." Jeff said crying again.

"Matt, I'm sorry. It's just so hard. And I try I really do but…" despite the state he was in Matt pulled Jeff in for a hug

"Jeff, it's not your fault. You went to bed earlier than usual, I should have checked to see if you needed to be changed before I went to sleep."

"I shouldn't need to be changed at all."

"Maybe you shouldn't. But for now you need to be. I don't want you to be embarrassed about it. I'm your big brother, when mom died I told you that I would always be there to take care of you, so that's what I'm doing."

He kissed Jeff's forehead and took him into the bathroom .He used a few of Jeff's wipes to swipe him down and remove the stickiness from his skin. Jeff didn't respond in any way but he had stopped crying. He draped his bath robe over his shoulders and taking his hand led him from the bathroom. After surveying the scene for a moment matt spoke again.

"I'll get you dressed in my room and you can just sleep with me tonight"

Jeff nodded and yawned behind his hand. When he looked up pouting, Matt knew that he was dealing with the childish Jeff and not the antagonistic adult version.

"Mattie can you carry me? I'm too tired." Before Matt could answer Jeff had already jumped up and wrapped his legs around his waist and all he could do was react and hold him there.

"Jeff you're freezing."

"Mmm"

"How long were you like that?"

"I don't know…a while."

"If it ever happens again just call out to me. Okay."

"Yes Matt."

Once they got to Matt's room, Jeff let himself be diapered once more and dressed in his brother's clothes. By the time Matt was done Jeff was a dead weight. After pulling the covers out from under him, he joined him in bed. More tired than he thought because he too was out as soon as his head touched the pillow.


	3. Chapter 3

In their time together, falling into routine and coming to terms with everything. There was one thing that Matt often over looked. He knew the way Jeff was and was aware of how he wished he could be treated and in his desire to please his brother several of his duties had been pushed to the side. Work and social engagements he didn't mind sacrificing but it was becoming very apparent that he was being remiss in how he was handling Jeff. Yes he had become expert at dealing with his moods and his angst and hiding his own distress from his younger sibling but sometimes he felt as though he was treating Jeff too much like an adult. It was hard for him to wrap his mind around this new realization of his. He understood and respected that Jeff was still an adult, he just had childish tendencies that he couldn't really help. They had tried therapy but they were overly optimistic and there was no development mentally or physically. The only piece of advice he was given was to try raising him; they couldn't undo what was done but he could 'father' him as he 'grew up'. It was a technique they had been trying and it seemed promising but Matt found that he had trouble fully investing himself to wasn't caring for Jeff that was difficult it was disciplining him. He was privy to all the small bouts of misbehavior as any child and then some when he decided that he no longer needed matt's help. Initially he could be put in place with a stern word and disapproving looks but it was getting worse. Jeff knew that he could get away with things and so he kept pushing. The therapist had reprimanded Matt for this oversight but he was still hesitant, his brother was still adult and he didn't think it was up to him to punish him. Even as he resolved to do so it wasn't an easy pill to swallow.

Jeff was having a tantrum. There was no other way to describe the path of destruction that Jeff was on as the stormed through the house. He pushed over the tables and chairs, pulled down curtains, broke dishes and kicked and pushed at anything in front of him. He was screaming profanities at Matt who had had to break the news to him that the WWE wasn't planning resigning him. As soon as the words left his mouth Jeff had gone crazy and had started on his tantrum, releasing frustration on anything that wasn't too heavy. Matt had tried reasoning with him but it didn't work, he tried shouting but Jeff was louder, he tried restraining him and he scratched at his face. Matt wanted to call his dad to handle him the way he used to when they were younger. His resolve not to do so was wavering when Jeff started heading for the cupboard the held some of their mothers old china.

"Jeff don't you dare!" Jeff eyed him defiantly before continuing on his path.

"Jeff I swear to God, if you touch that cupboard I'll…"

"You'll what…shout at me, send me to room, or maybe you'll make me stand in a corner! I'm a Goddamn grown man Matt."

"Then act like one!"

"I'm sorry Matt I can't on account of my brain's freaking fried."

"Don't pull that card with me Jeff. That has nothing to do with you throwing a tantrum like a four year old. This has everything to do with you being a brat."

"I am not a brat."

"Yeah, then what would you call it."

"Fuck off." Jeff turned to go up the stairs

"Jeff get back here! Don't turn your back on me when I'm talking to you."

"Or what?

"Jeff I don't want to have to punish you."

"I'd like to see you try."

Before Matt could respond he had run upstairs and he heard the door shut. It had been impossible for Matt to keep his uncertainty out of his voice when he spoke. To his own ears he sounded much too weak and unsure but Jeff at least seemed to understand that he was serious. However Jeff was also serious about being defiant and they were at an impasse. Even if Matt worked up the nerve he wasn't too sure about its execution. Jeff was a full grown man; he was a wrestler, who can more than hold his own in the ring. Matt was bigger yes but not so much that Jeff would be easy to pin down. He was shocked at how much thought he was putting into it but tried his hardest not to overthink it. Not when Jeff was breaking down, not when he was exploding the way he was. He hadn't been this uncontrollable since their mother had died. Back then his father had taken him under control. It seemed that for months Jeff was constantly in trouble. He hadn't had to deal with a Jeff like this in a long time.

He would never admit to anyone that he resorted to the internet for advice. It was the first time He had ever done so but he didn't really have any other resources. Immediately there was a slew of pages with thousands of posts on the good and bad of spanking. Then there were the comments whether you should spank on clothed or bare bottoms, with or without implements. The more he read the less he seemed to know definitively. His experience of spanking was when he was on the receiving end as a small boy; it was strange to envision himself giving one. In his mind he couldn't muster the strength to do so. He saw himself trying to spank Jeff but despite how hard he tried he couldn't put any power behind it. He really didn't want to. For once he finally understood why his dad always said that punishing them was harder for him than for them. He would have to hit, no spank his brother until he cried, hear him protest, eventually plead for him to stop and keep going. It was hard think of hurting his brother in that way after everything that had happened. There was a crash from upstairs and he steeled himself. He was tense, his steps were forced and wanted to close his eyes and simply will Jeff punished. But then he saw the path of misplaced and broken things, his eyes narrowed in on the cupboard that held memories of his mother and used the image to persuade him.

He walked heavily up the stairs. Remembering how terrifying it was to hear his father coming up the stairs especially when he knew he had done something wrong. He knocked on Jeff's door as a courtesy, but didn't wait for his reply to open the door. He was sprawled on his bed, glaring at the ceiling. Other than that he looked relatively calm. Matt had wanted to feel in charge and empowered but his uncertainty was back and he needed Jeff to understand why he had to do what he needed to do.

"Jeff, you may not want to talk to me right now but you need to listen to me… do you remember when you confessed to me that you cut yourself. You said it was for punishment. You said that you hurt yourself physically to atone for what you did. You said it was like when dad used to punish us, when it was over you would cry the pain would be gone and so would your guilt. You needed it to ground you and the scars would remind you not to be bad. I hated it. But I understood you enough to be able to help you, took charger so you hand the control you needed without hurting yourself. I promised you then that I wouldn't let you lose control like that again. I also promised you that I wouldn't allow you behave in a way that was destructive to you. After your accident I promised you that I would be everything you needed me to be. I don't plan on going back on any of them. I know this is hard, I know how emotionally taxing it is. I feel it too, but acting out and riling up isn't going to help. Letting your anger get the best of you isn't going to help you get back out into the world and interact with people. It's going to be hard enough and I refuse to let you continue acting so childish. It's destructive to the progress we've made. I don't want to do this, you've got to believe that but it's the only way I can think of to get through to you and keep you in check. I'm…I'm going to have to spank you Jeff. You won't like it but it's for your own good."

The explosion he expected didn't come. There was a look in Jeff's eyes indicated that he understood but didn't want to comply. It was there every time they had come across something else that Jeff wasn't able to do anymore. His eyes looked tired, his face tracked with tears from his earlier outburst. He had yet to move or acknowledge Matt. His brother sat on the edge of the bed, looking away from him. After several moments she spoke again much more confident.

"I have thought this over a lot, I thought it unnecessary but it seems I was wrong. Now I won't be swayed in my decision. I'll give you a minute to get in front of me. If I have to move you myself, it will be worse."

He felt movement on the bed but didn't get optimistic. He knew his brother, knew he was going to run. He knew this and wasn't surprised when he bolted for the door. It was locked and he was able to grab his brother before he could unlock it. He pinned his hands behind his back and pulled him back to the bed. He didn't seem angry, but frightened and was pleading for Matt stop. Still holding onto his brother's hands Matt bent him over his bed. He wanted to let go of his brother and give into his pleas but he didn't. With one hand and extreme difficultly he lowered his brother's pants and diaper, knowing he wouldn't feel anything through it. Matt gulped. Jeff started to thrash around with his leg but when his face bounced of the bed several times due to his actions he stopped. He wiggled his body but he was in an awkward position for struggling and Mat had the advantage of size and weight.

Matt looked all around the room, breathing deep breaths to calm himself and hoping to every deity that his hand would be enough because he didn't feel like using anything else on his brother for fear or causing actual harm. Matt could see that Jeff had somewhat given up and resigned himself to his fate. He was still struggling but it seemed more for show because he knew that his younger brother had a lot more fight in him and the way Matt was holding him right then was a hold he could have broken if he really wanted. He had several false starts, lifting his hand from his side into the air, only to bring it back down again. The muscles of Jeff's butt were tense and he was breathing shakily, but Matt wondered which of the two of them were having a harder time of it.

The first swat Matt landed his eyes were closed, but he did feel Jeff jump when he hit, that was the only way he knew for sure that he had hit his target. For the next few after that he flinched every time his hand made contact but at least he was able to keep his eyes open while he did it. Jeff was surprisingly still at this point. Shocked into stillness that it was actually happening to him. He was trying not to respond what so ever. Matt was gaining confidence, striking harder and surer and Jeff's resolve was wavering. It started to hurt more, nothing like what he was used to wrestling in the ring but a degrading sort of pain, it was amplified because it resonated as emotional pain as well. Each spank seemed to torture him physically and mentally, it was only a matter of time before he was gasping, quick intakes of breath as he continued his punishment. It was a matter of trying to keep composure and not letting the vulnerability he was feeling overwhelm him. But his throat felt thick. He wanted Matt to stop, if only to rid himself of the helplessness he was feeling. He felt like he was going to burst.

"Matt, stop, please."

Matt faltered in the rhythm he had been keeping, he hadn't expected Jeff to be begging off so suddenly, hadn't expected him to sound so weak and young. He took a second to grit his teeth and disregard it. His palm along with Jeff's backside was turning red and he felt a bit masochistic for wanting to continue.

"Matt, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, just please stop."

He did stop then. He rested his hand on Jeff's lower back. The two brother's both took several audible breaths before either of them spoke.

"Are you really sorry Jeff? Sorry for what you did or sorry that you're in this position."

"What's the difference…I'm here because of what I did."

Matt would have been angry if Jeff hadn't seemed sincere in his question.

"Are you saying sorry because you want me to stop or because you think what you did was wrong?"

When the only answer he received was the tightening of Jeff's muscles beneath his hand he had his answer. As much as he had hoped he knew that his bare hand wasn't going to be enough. Jeff was used to so much worse and could be unbelievably resilient when he wanted to. And right now he wanted to. It was obvious he was trying to hold on to the last bit of his self-control. Matt's eyes searched the room and his eyes kept landing on Jeff's fallen jeans. He swore to himself.

"I'm going to let go of your hands. Put then on the bed but other than that don't move."

He slowly released his hold wary as to whether or not Jeff was going to comply. When he as certain he would Matt bent over and retrieved Jeff's belt from the loops of his jeans. The leather felt menacing in his hands, but he wanted to give Jeff that absolution he spoke about. If he would only cry, release his emotions that way, allow himself to be taken care of.

Jeff heard the leather sliding through the jeans, the buckle jingling. They were sounds he knew well from a different situation. He dreaded what was coming. His composure was already disappearing in just the anticipation. For the first time since the spanking started Jeff was truly thinking about why he was in the position was in. He saw himself in his mind's eye, his screaming, kicking and throwing things, nearly destroying what had once belonged to his mother and he couldn't equate what he saw to who he knew himself to be. It seemed irrational to act like that, unreasonable and unnecessary. If he had only just thought about what he was doing he would have stopped. It didn't make sense and he knew better. He knew better and still if it wasn't for matt he would have destroyed some of the few things they still had left of his mother. The first tears started falling then. He almost didn't hear the harsh sound of the leather parting the air but he certainly felt it.

"Oh shit!"

Jeff screamed and his elbows shook. Matt bit his lip hoping he didn't do something wrong. However when all Jeff did was lock his elbows again he continued. Each swing of the belt brought forth a scream. By the fifth stroke he broke down completely. He wasn't pleading like earlier instead he just cried, punctuated by each strike of the belt with a strangled scream. Matt couldn't go past ten. After the tenth lash of the belt he dropped it. It wasn't needed and anything more seemed just overdoing it. As soon as the belt hit the ground Jeff spun around and into Matt's arm. Matt hardly missed a beat before wrapping his arms around him.

"I'm sorry Matt. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean to do it."

"It's okay Jeff. It's over now. I've already forgiven you."

"But…"

"No but's Jeff, it's done. I know you're sorry and you're forgiven."

Matt sat on the bed, taking no offence when Jeff preferred to lie down on his stomach than stay in Matt's arms. He was still crying albeit much more softly, and Matt began to run his arms through his hair for comfort. Soon there was just the occasional sniffle and a tentative poke to his red behind.

"Matt I'm tired."

"I bet you are."

"Can I clean up downstairs after my nap?"

"We can both clean up downstairs after your nap. But first let me put another diaper on you."

"No, it's gonna hurt."

"It's either that or you risk waking up with a wet bed.'

"I can live with that."

"Well you won't have to cause it's not your decision."

"Maaatt."

"Jeff…no"

"Fine."

It took ages to get Jeff to lie on his back fully. Matt pinned on the diaper as quickly as possible. It was obvious that Jeff seemed a bit uncomfortable but he didn't complain about it. After pulling on his boxers Jeff rolled back over onto his stomach. Matt picked his jeans up off the floor and folded them. The belt lay where he had thrown it and he was tempted to leave it there. He turned for the door but at the last minute he changed his mind. He figured that Jeff wouldn't want to see it when he woke up. He left the room with the belt just dangling from his hand, holding it as lightly as possible. He took it to his room and tossed it into a corner and tried to forget it. Still have dazed as to what had really happened.


	4. Chapter 4

It's so easy to adapt to things in private. When it's between just one or two people it's easy to overcome and muddle through obstacles. The thing is that you can't just hide forever and keep your obstacles between just the one or two people. At some point you are going to have to adapt to adapting in public. You are going to have to cope with facing your problems in public and dealing with the stigmatism that comes with it. They had come to terms with Jeff's disability on a personal level. Jeff didn't break down in frustration at what he could no longer do, Matt didn't feel out of place caring for his brother, and neither of them felt the awkwardness that they used to when faced with their new level of intimacy. In the past few months Jeff hadn't seen anyone but his doctors, and Matt and the indifference he developed seemed conditional. Eventually he was going to have to become part of society on some level and so he was going to have to start interacting with people outside of his care givers. It had been the topic of discussion between Matt and the doctors and was a topic the two brothers would have to broach in the near future. However Jeff had saved Matt from instigating that conversation one night as they watched Monday night RAW. This particular week both Raw and Smack down were being shown from Charlotte, just 100 miles from their home in Cameron and hours closer than they had been since the accident. Jeff sat on the floor as close to the screen as he could get without Matt calling him back. It was a strange sight that Matt had grown fond of. It was a muggy summer night and Jeff sat in only his diapers, crossed legged on the rug. His hair hung loose past his shoulder and into his back; the ends tinted purple and the roots dirty blond. Every so often he would lean into the television and them jump back when something happened, making sure to reiterate to Matt what had happen, despite him having watched it himself.

This was a far cry from when Jeff had first come home. The Jeff who had insisted on boxers and wouldn't be caught without his clothing out of embarrassment, the Jeff who was desperately clinging on to the way his life used to be and was much to bitter to even think about wrestling much less watch it. Lately as he settled in his love or wrestling had come back with a vengeance, if there wasn't a showing on the television he would just re-watch taped episodes, though until tonight he hadn't shown any interest in any of their old friends. Needless to say Matt was surprised. It was just a few minutes after the main event had started when Jeff left from his position on the floor to join Matt on the couch.

"I miss that" Jeff gestured to the television.

"The wrestling?"

"Yeah… and the people. I miss the lifestyle Matt"

"I'm sorry Jeff. I know this hasn't been easy for you"

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that you have to stay home and babysit me full time, I'm sorry that you can't do what you love any more…I'm sorry for ruining everything Matt."

"Jeff you have nothing to be sorry about. The fire wasn't your fault, you didn't ask for things to be this way."

"I know but if it wasn't for me then you would have been the one in the main event right now, do you realize that. Every week I sit here and watch this, imagining us, where we should be, fighting on Raw. And I always ask myself why life had to be so messed up. Why it had to ruin all we have ever wanted since we were little kids. Then I realized something; there is no reason why you shouldn't be there, there is nothing wrong with you, you're in your prime, they had such big plans for you. It hit me that the only reason you're still here is because of me. I'm trying Matt. I'm trying to be more adaptive, less trouble for you, but I'm always going to be holding you back. You deserve more than this. So I want you to start wrestling again."

Matt was frozen for a second. He couldn't process that Jeff was actually saying what he was. And he didn't even want to know how long Jeff had been stewing over these thoughts in his head, trying to convince him to leave.

"Jeff, are you listening to yourself? Has anything I've done in the past few months made you think that I'm unhappy taking care of you?"

"No…It's just…I think that you'd be happier if you were wrestling again. And I'm okay now, I don't need as much babysitting, I could get like a nurse or something, and you could go back on the road, or at least do taped shows and we would be together a lot of the time still…"

"Just stop right there Jeff. You can barely handle your nurse looking at you in a diaper and the one time we even thought about letting him change you, you broke down and locked yourself in my bedroom. And you expect me to just let some random stranger take care of you. I know you can't seriously be thinking of that as a long term option…Plus, I like taking care of you Jeff and I love every minute we spend together. And yeah eventually we will have to face everyone that we've been putting off but I'm not going to rush it, disregard your feelings and set back all this progress we've made. I don't want or need you to worry about me. I just need you to understand that after everything that's happened in the past few months need to be there for you just as much as you need me to be there."

"I just, I don't want to give up on everything, you know. I feel like thing were looking up and then we just kind of gave up on it. I mean what about you and Glen. You really liked him and he liked you back. You guys were going on dates and everything. But you haven't talked to him since the fire."

It had been a long time since Matt remembered blushing the way he was or feeling the way he did. Jeff was right, he and glen had hit it off, up to the time he had gotten the call from the hospital he was with him. Yet after the fire he had at first ignored his calls out of concern for Jeff, then out of fear, and then Glen had stopped calling and Matt couldn't summon the strength to do so himself. Regardless of the nonexistence of their relationship his name still made Matt flush, his estrangement was the one thing matt had yet to adapt to and truth be told he didn't want to. Jeff wasn't oblivious to Matt's reaction despite his trying to hide it.

"You still like him don't you…and because of me"

"Jeff none of that has anything to do with you, I was the one who broke ties with him, not you. Don't try to blame yourself for this."

"Yeah but if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have done it in the first place."

"Jeff…"

"Matt it's true and you know it. you always say how we just have to face everything head on and work through them. So why are you avoiding. Why can't you face that head on. Are you spewing a bunch of empty words, trying to motivate your poor brain damaged brother…or am I just too big of a problem to work through."

Matt looked at his younger brother; lost for words. His face was red and tears were silently streaming down his face. He couldn't make eye contact with Matt anymore and instead sat awkwardly staring at nothing. It was several moments before either of them dared to break position.

"Jeff it's nothing like that and you know it. When you got hurt all I could think about was how many time you needed me and I wasn't there for you. I was supposed to be with you that night and I blew you off. It's my fault you were hurt and I promised myself that I was going to be there to support you no matter what. You're all that matters to me right now Jeff, I just want you to be able to wake up in the morning and be happy with yourself."

" I want you to be happy too. I need you right now for everything. But as my brother I love you too much to watch you throw your own life away."

Matt cupped Jeff's chin and turned his head to face him, Jeff met his stare with watery eyes and a quivering expression but it didn't make him seem any less serious.

"I am not throwing my life away. I love you and I am helping you work through a rough patch. How is that wasting my life?"

"It is not he helping me part. It's the fact that you just gave up on your life to do so and I know you're scared that I will resent you for being able to do what I can't but I won't. I want you to and who knows…I may not wrestle again but there may be a place for me somewhere in the WWE. I'd be happy just travelling with you and sitting in the audience. I want to be a part of that again. I want our friends, your boyfriend and your belt that someone else just stole."

"Alright Jeffie, I get it."

"And I don't want to wait. Adam and Jay are in Charlotte and I want to see them tonight."

Bratty Jeff was quickly making himself know and despite the amusement Matt got from his whiny voice and pout he didn't let it pass without comment. His smile dropped just as quickly and his voice was stern when he spoke again.

"Jeffery…"

"Sorry...but please Mattie, you know they would come."

"I know Jeff but if they are going to be staying with us, we would have to tell them at least some of what is going on. Are you ready for that?"

"No, but that are our best friends from like, forever and if we can't tell them who can we tell. And if anyone can keep a secret they would because we were the only ones they told secrets to anyways."

"Okay Jeff, I'll call them but you have to be on your best behavior. I know it will be hard on you but I will punish you if I think you are being deliberately naughty."

It seemed Jeff took a moment to swallow that down and he took one huge gulp of air before he nodded.

"Alright Matt, I promise to be on my best behavior."

The look in Jeff's eyes was all the prompting matt needed to pick up the phone and make contact with people they had been avoiding for months.

It ran six times and he was sure that they were ignoring him when he heard a familiar voice on the other end.

"Matt…is that really you. What's going on? We all heard about the fire but them we didn't hear anything from you only that you and Jeff were not a part of the WWE anymore. Is he okay? Are you okay? Are you two still in Cameron?"

"Yeah it's me and we're okay. We just needed some time. The fire…well Jeff was lucky I guess but…"

"But what Matt?"

"Can you guys spend a few days? We really miss you and Jeff practically ordered me to get you here tonight. ."

"Of course you don't even have to ask."

"Ok we'll talk when you get here…just call my cell first alright."

"Yeah sure. See you later?"

"Definitely." He was hesitant to hang up but he did so eventually to deal with the bouncing Jeff in front of him. His brother was sitting on his hands obviously trying to stifle some of his excitement but it wasn't working. He was smiling widely and matt didn't know if he could have stopped if he wanted to. He could see that Jeff was nervous as well but as usual when it came to his younger brother excitement was a bigger influence than fear. Matt looked at the time. It would be a while until they got there and it was already fairly late especially by Jeff's schedule.

"Jeff I think you need to get some sleep."

"But Matt I wanna be up when they come."

"I know Jeff but you'll be too tired by then anyways. If you go to bed now I'll make sure to wake you up when they get here."

Seeing that his logic wasn't getting them anywhere he changed tactics.

"Okay Jeff, here's the deal you can stay on the couch until they get here but then you have to go straight upstairs to bed."

"Sure."

Matt knew that by then Jeff would be sleeping anyway so it didn't make that much of a difference to him.

"Alright Jeff, let's go upstairs."

"But you said I could stay here."

"and you will but first I need to change your diaper and get some clothes on you…unless you don't mind being in just your diaper when Adam and Jay come to visit."

Jeff was up the stairs before Matt could remind him not the run in the house.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: short and rushed but hopefully not horrible, lost my muses but am going to try and muddle through...for new years sake.

As Matt had predicted, Jeff was fast asleep by the time he got Adam's phone call. He went out to meet them just as they were removing their bags from the trunk of a rental. It was several moments before they noticed him; he stood just off the last step from the porch unable to address them, unable to start the conversation.

When their eyes met worry was the main emotion that shadowed both of them. Matt was worried about how they would receive what he had to tell them and they were worried about what they were about to find out, what had kept their closest friends from them all this time.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"how are you?"

"good…whats up with you?"

"we've been working through some stuff."

"We gathered as much."

"Yeah?"

"And Jeff?"

"Um…take a seat."

He gestured towards the front steps and as they sat his nerves took over. He paced several times before sitting, then standing again and then sitting once more before he started to talk.

"he's fine…injury wise. It's just the smoke inhalation…he was stuck a real long time before the could get him out he was passed out and wasn't breathing, it was long enough for…the lack of oxygen. Jeff's brain damaged. Its not extremely bad its hardly noticeable, it barely affects his thinking its more physical I guess. His motor skills are off, not as coordinated… it is basically like he has just regressed in certain things and …"

He paused and took several deep breaths before simply blurting it out.

"Jeff's incontinent."

The words hung in the air, stunning his audience for several moments.

"he's…"

"but…"

"it's jeff…"

"how…"

" I know. It's hard to take in. and even now we're still adapting to it. He's…he's been in diapers since the accident. I just wanted him to I don't know."

"You wanted to protect him. I, we get that. after the whole drug thing. I don't think he would have been able to handle all the negative press and reactions if you hadn't been as closed up as you were. God know if it were Jay I would have done the exact same thing. But you could have trusted us. We would have understood, we could have helped."

"Adam's rights Matt. Jeff's my best friend. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I wish I could have been there to help him, to let him know that."

Jay was practically in tears and only just holding them in. of the four of them he and Jeff was unbelievably close, sometimes more than with Matt, simply because they were both the younger brother and could relate in way the others couldn't. and even with them Jeff was always the younger and Jay had adopted him as the one person that he needed to protect. Matt had even thought of how this would affect other and was speechless, thankfully he didn't have to say anything.

"Jay don't blame yourself. Matt did what was the best for them in their situation, they needed time to handle it as a family first. I know that Jeff wont blame you and even more, he asked for us to come tonight. You didn't fail him, if anything you did the right thing by holding off and waiting for them rather than forcing your way into things."

"But."

"No Jay it really is just that. As hard as it was, the time alone let us develop and cope with things in our own way."

"Where is Jeff anyway?"

"He tried to stay up but he ended up falling asleep in the couch a while ago. He couldn't wait 'till tomorrow to see you guys."

The three made their way inside and were shocked to find jeff standing just behind the door and his expression made it obvious that he had heard their conversation. There was shock, embarrassment, excitement and also relief and only matt knew that the cause for said expression was the fear that he had that they would have rejected him.

Like earlier, the men stood awkwardly before muttering off some greetings until, like before matt led them to sit but this time in the living room. Jeff broke the silence by asking about their recent matches and soon he and Jay were lost in pointless but excited conversation and each was trying to hide the fact that they were overcompensating for the rift that had formed between them. Jeff only fought for show when matt suggested that he go to bed and while he took him upstairs, jay had also decided to call it a night leaving him and Adam in the living room.

"you can't hide forever matt."

"adam don't start."

"why not, I haven't seen you in months and I know for a fact that no one else has. You can't take care of Jeff if you don't take care of your needs as well. Sometime it's get to be too much."

"I can handle just fine Adam."

"Well you used to be happy."

"that was before, this is now. Jeff needs…"

"you need things too Matt, even Jeff can see that."

"Adam Just stop! I don't need it. I don't need him."

"Bullshit. I had never seen you happier than when you were with him, when you could let go and allow yourself to be looked at for a change. He was the one person I have seen you let your guard down and simply just be. You're not happy now matt. I know having Jeff to look after has taken your full attention but it's only a matter of time before that changes, and jeff will adapt and be less dependent and then what.

Matt stared at his hands for several moments before responding.

"But what about mark?"

"That's not for you or anyone else to manipulate. Jeff has always been able to handle himself better than you give him credit for. Let him grow up and let the chips fall. You can't control his world any more than I can control Jay's. Little brothers grow up, and then they're not so little."

"but what If Jeff cant…"

"and what if he can."


	6. Chapter 6

It didn't matter to any of the four that the visit lasted less than a day or that all they could do was sit and talk due to time and weather constraints. Matt and Jeff were finally able to reconnect with their past and had taken that all important first step to assimilate back into their lives before the fire. Midafternoon the two blonds were making their way to the airport and prying that they wouldn't be late for that nights show, and promising to call every day. With the company having scheduled several overseas shows after that it would be nearly three weeks until they could drop by again.

When Jeff awoke that morning it was to a familiar yet strange other person in his bed. He knew immediately that it was Jay but it was something he was not expecting, especially after the revelations from the last time they were together. He was happy to see that at least he hadn't leaked and the bed was still dry, even if the swollen warmth between his legs was giving way to discomfort. Jay was on his side turned away from him. He had stolen most of the blankets but still only managed to be half covered by the sheets. Jeff held his breath and slowly began to roll himself off the bed in an attempt to jostle him as little as possible. When his feet touched the floor he let out a sigh of relief as his hands then followed, before lowering himself to the ground. A voice rang out from the door way.

"You know Jeff that wasn't necessary. After last night you would have to throw him into a cold shower to get him up this early. "

Jeff looked up and saw Adam eying him from the doorway. He slowly got to his feet hoping that his blush wasn't too obvious or at least Adam wouldn't call him out on it like he often did. The diapers caused him to stand with his legs a little wider than they normally did and he hadn't even noticed that when it was just Matt and him and now it was painfully obvious. He was frozen because even though they had talked before he knew that the brothers wouldn't be completely at ease with everything that had taken them months to adjust to.

"I figured that you would be up early to get to Matt. But I wanted to talk a bit. If it's okay."

"Sure it's fine…it's just. I think I should get to Matt first…"

"Jeff we four have seen each other at our worsts. Theres no need for all this modesty. Me and Jay we're adapting so theres no need to make it harder than it already is. If you need to get changed you can just say so. Think of it this way, if it were Jay in your position how you would treat him, just think; what you'd be okay with and what allowances you would make. Chances are that you would feel the same way that we do right now."

As Adam spoke he stepped further into the bedroom. His gaze lingered on Jay as though at that very moment Jay and Jeff's positions were switched. He took in Jeff's stance before their eyes met and he spoke without dropping eye contact. He was feeling as though the words would sound hollow to him if he were on the receiving end even though he couldn't be more sincere. He was trying to relay that feeling to Jeff, trying to get him to believe him but without seeming to belittle him.

"We're family right? Always have been always will be. Nothing is going to change that."

He pulled Jeff's smaller frame to his and hugged him, tighter than normal so that he wouldn't be able to imagine any more distance between them than there was before.

"Adam…I really need to see Matt."

After a breath the two of them let go of one another.

"I'll be in the living room when you're done. I still need to talk to you."

"Sure."

Jeff barely gave himself time to answer before leaving the room as fast as he dared to. Matt's room was open, it was a very rare thing for him to close his bedroom door these days but when Jeff entered the room he always closed it and this time he locked it as well. Matt was awake but still under his covers and his eyes were still clouded with sleep and Jeff knew that he, Adam and Jay had been up talking after they arrived, long after he had been asleep. However Matt was kicking of the sheets as with all the energy he could muster when he took in the sight of Jeff.

"is everything okay?"

"yeah…just thinking."

Neither said anything more on the subject and Jeff laid himself across the bed. After so long the mechanisms of changing were second nature and as quick and effortless as any routine task could be. Matt put cream unto the rash that was starting to break out on Jeff's behind while Jeff berated him for not telling him about the surprise visit or at least waking him up when they arrived. Afterwards Matt rolled back into bed with the air of an exhausted parent determined that both of them would get more sleep but Jeff shrugged out of bed.

"Adam's waiting on me in the living room"

And if he wasn't so tired he would have questioned him but today Matt was only too happy to roll back over and see how much more sleep he could get away with.

As soon as Jeff stepped into the living room he saw Adam pacing. He immediately recognized it as what he did when he had something important to say and had already planned out how to say it and was trying not to forget it. Jeff wasn't all that sure that he wanted to hear what Adam had to say but that didn't stop him from accepting Adam's request to sit while he paced several more times before sitting down himself. HE watched Jeff fidget gingerly before settling in and then starting to fidget once more. He watched the younger pull several face before speaking.

"Jeff, it's not that bad, you don't have to act like I'm about to crucify you."

"It's not that…it's...I have a rash." Jeff's admission made Adam quirk his lips just slightly, hopeful that he may get through to Jeff even if Matt was being decidedly stubborn.

"Hmm what are you using for it…Jay's wrestling trunks make him rash real bad but the trainers prescribed this cream that I swear works miracles."

"I don't know, you'd have to ask Matt, I don't have a clue as to half the things going on everyone keeps telling me that the best way to recover is to not care about it."

"You don't want to push yourself too much I guess it would be counterproductive."

"I guess but sometimes I feel like I'm going backwards when I just want to get back out there."

"Well that's what I want to talk to you about."

Hours later the four men were gathered together in the same living room and three of them were trying to convince one Matt hardy.

"Jeff won't be in anything even slightly risky Matt, just a valet, everyone will know not to touch him they will work the fire into a storyline, it will be fine.

"don't you think that it cuts a bit too close to the truth Adam, for so long we've been worried about the backlash when we step back into the public eye and were going to just rub everything in everyone's faces."

"Not everything Mattie. We get to decide what goes public and what we keep private, you would be able to wrestle again and at least I would get to be a apart of the WWE again. "

Jeff's voice was pleading with his older brother to see his reason, begging him to at least agree to meet with Vince and see what arrangement they could come up with.

"And what about Jeff, even if you don't wrestle, there are some things that we will not be able to hid."

"Jeff and I were talking earlier. He actually came up with PTSD or something of the sort. I mean he was trapped in his burning house. It wouldn't be hard to believe that the experience traumatized him. "

"I don't know Adam. It is still so risky, something could leak out at any time and then where would we be?"

"But what if it doesn't? What if everything works out? Can we all at least try to be optimistic? I get what you are worried about Matt but really it's Jeff's decision. He doesn't want you giving up on your life to a babysit him. He wants you to keep doing what you love and he wants a chance to build his life again. Don't shut us out because you're scared Matt. Your intentions are good but they are hurting all of us. I love Jeff and I couldn't even be with him when he needed me because shut us out. We didn't know what happed and we couldn't be there for him. Ju…Just give us a chance. We just want what's best."

Matt winced when he heard the crack in Jay's voice, he knew that he was still bitter about being kept away from Jeff but he didn't realize how much and as he stormed from the living room matt cane to two conclusions. Firstly he would at least meet with Vince and see exactly how he wanted to bring them back. Secondly, he and Jeff weren't the only ones affected by the fire, they were not the only ones trying to get over everything that had happened and being as reclusive as he was, were preventing others from getting the reassurance and comfort they needed. The WWE was their family and family's hurt and heal together.


End file.
